Breaking The Habit
by WhoaaKid
Summary: Britt's POV. "This has to stop," looking at the ground you couldn't even meet my eyes. "You're…this whole thing…was a mistake. You never loved me, and I never loved you."


Hey guys. :) Another story, angstier than the other one. This is not mine, adapted for Brittana. Please read and review. Thanks!

Doesn't own anything.

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><p>Simply said, you were the habit I tried to break.<p>

When we met, life was much simpler. Two teenagers, adolescent and stupid, like nothing would change.

But college was the next big step, and the spell was bound to break sooner or later. You were destined to the west coast to study law, and I was headed to the east coast to dance.

Both too stubborn to give way, neither able to give in.

"This has always been the plan, Britt" you said. "We talked about this, you still don't get it, do you?"

To be honest, I didn't get it. We're supposed to be together, and that couldn't happen if we were 3,000 miles away from each other.

The arguments escalated and became about everything and nothing. Just harsh words, bitterness, and hurt. Our lovemaking became less about love and more about sex. No emotions. Just hurting each other more, chipping pieces of each others heart away, as if to take those pieces with us when we parted.

"I'm beginning to think you never loved me at all." you told me.

"If that's what you want you to believe." I was tired of fighting. I couldn't do it anymore.

Ultimately you decided it wasn't working anymore.

"This has to stop," looking at the ground you couldn't even meet my eyes. "You're…this whole thing…was a mistake. You never loved me, and I never loved you."

Those words hit me harder than anything physical could ever have. Stumbling on my feet as I walked backwards for the door, I saw in your eyes you immediately regretted uttering them, but by then I just wanted to die. I wanted you to die too.

Dance. Dance became my newest obsession. That summer before we left, you tried to contact me, but I wouldn't let you. You had already chose what you wanted to do.

On the east coast I had moved on. I finally forgot about you. I flirted and even dated with others, each one a middle finger in your direction.

Although some nights I would wake up in an empty bed, with my shirt sweaty and my panties soaked. During the day, memories would hit me like a punch in the stomach at a random trigger. Staring into space I wondered where you were, and who you were with, and what you were doing.

When Rachel told me you were moving to NY to transfer to a firm over here, I didn't react.

Somehow we never ran into each other for about a year after you got here, despite having the same circle of friends. They made sure we didn't have to see each other.

Our luck only lasted so long. I ran into you at a coffee shop between our respective places of work.

I thought I had enough cash for my order, but I was never good with math.

"Can I use my card?"

"Our machine is down."

Pulling random bills out I only had four singles.

"Maam, this isn't enough."

"Oh…"

"I got it." A voice behind me said. I wanted to pretend I didn't know who it was, but I could never forget that.

Handing the money over, she turned to me.

"Thanks, but that wasn't necessary."

"It's the least I can do." Not sure if she was talking about the coffee, I simply shook my head and began to walk away.

There was a gentleness in your voice that _almost_ made me stop, though I did slow down when you called out and ran a little to catch up.

"How are you?"

Ha, I scoffed, I couldn't believe you were asking me a question like that.

"I'm late."

Not the answer you were looking for, you shook your head a little and looked down the street. "Brittany, I missed so much… it took a lot to get to this point in my life. I can hardly sleep at night, I miss my friends, I miss…"

Holding my breath, just in case you said me. "What?" Her word was caught up in the city traffic and I didn't hear her.

Disappointed at no change in my reaction she turned away, I could only hope she felt the hurt I felt.

After the weeks that followed we were back to normal, no acknowledgement of the other. I still hated you and when Rachel told me you moved to Connecticut, I hated you even more.

Another year goes past and you move back, again. It's like you were giving yourself another chance. You moved in my neighborhood and we saw each other quite a lot, but after our last encounter you seem to have lost your confidence and didn't approach me.

Then I saw you with someone. You guys didn't even look like you belong together. And knowing you, you probably brought him here so I could see you together. Dating guys had always been your diversion to get away from my hold on you. Dammit Santana, you were always pulling petty shit. I hated how you could bait me and I would catch so fucking easily.

The next night you were on my doorstep and tired of waiting. Surprised, I didn't even know you knew where I lived.

"I'm not dating that guy you saw me with."

"What guy?"

"Come on, we can't keep doing this. I know you saw me. I thought you were going to say something!"

I shrugged, "Why the hell should I care who you date?"

You pushed yourself past and into my apartment, looking around you turned to me, "You _know_ me." Pleading with her whole body, she wanted me to agree, she wanted to stop this, she wanted me to take her word and just start anew.

"I don't _know_ anything about you." In my bravest _fuck you_ voice.

She was turning to leave, before I called out. "Why did you leave?"

She didn't answer at first, just turned slowly with tears in her eyes and wringing her hands.

"I don't know…. And every day I wish I hadn't."

"Why?"

"What do you think?"

Losing all the fight, it's been too long. "Look, I'm sorry…"

"Don't be, it's my fault."

"This is stupid. You ended up in New York anyway."

"I asked my firm to be transferred here. I couldn't just stay away forever. When I first came I was determined to find you and I asked Rachel and I asked Quinn and they told me you were seeing people and I would just hurt you again. And after that I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Then I saw you in the coffee shop and you looked so breathtaking, but you wanted nothing to do with me. I left again. Once again, it's like I fucked up everything when I thought I was making it better. "

"You broke my heart. You told me you never loved me."

"I… I lied."

That's all it took. That's all I wanted to hear.

I reach for your shirt and press my lips against yours.

I can't believe we let each other go.

Now I know I won't let it happen again.


End file.
